Drunk Canoeing

This story has got to be from around ten years ago. I’m glad I no longer feel like I’m at odds with God as I did then. After a canoe outing tonight with a friend and our children, I thought I’d share this piece of comedy from my past:

So this little story came up in a Bible study the other week. We were discussing our “perfect steak” experiences. This reminded me of my “perfect steak” experience, which also happened to be the first time in ten years that I got drunk. I wonder if the two were related… hmmm… I share the experience because, not only is this story quite comical, there is also a lesson in there… somewhere.

I was on a canoeing trip with some friends. On our drive up, we stopped to pick up some steaks – the best that money could buy, and a bottle of vodka. That night, as we were cooking them over the grill, I imagined that all the bears and wolves in the area smelled our delicious and savory steaks and were licking their chops just out of reach of the firelight. (I later learned that the area we were in is home to wolves)

wolf with no coffeeDid I mention that wolves terrify me? Yes, I know that God controls all the creatures of the forest including wolves but this is not exactly a comforting thought when you feel at odds with him (which, at the time, was how I felt). God could in fact lead every wolf within a hundred miles right to you if he so desired.

After having my perfect steak and a few drinks, I continued to meditate on the fact that God could kill me with a wolf attack, and attempted to go to sleep. It was no use.

Imagine lying there in a tent hearing all sorts of noises outside, staring at the thin wall of the tent conjuring up in your mind images of a wolf ripping through it and into you. I panicked. I grabbed a flashlight and ventured outside for a look. I was so badly frightened that I ran down to the water, got into the canoe and paddled out to the middle of the lake. So there I sat, in the middle of the lake in the middle of the night, safe from the big bad wolf. And then… it began to rain.

‘Just perfect’, I thought.

You hear a lot about drunk driving but I have never heard anything about drunk canoeing. There is no slogan that says “don’t drink and canoe”. Not very catchy. It dawned on me that I was definitely a high risk for a drowning that night.

Disclaimer: Drunkenness is in fact not advisable under any circumstances but especially while operating vehicles whether it be it a car, tricycle, skateboard, or canoe.

and remember: Don’t drink and canoe! Get a designated paddler.

Categories: Alcohol | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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